The Shuttle Shuffle

As I’ve mentioned before, one of the things I expect from my fellow men is to be left the fuck alone unless they have something I might be interested in. Sadly, few people today understand the the concept of “minding your own business”.

A couple of days ago I found myself yet again embarking on a tedious two-plus hour intercity bus ride. I rarely enjoy covering long distances in anything slower than a jet. I require fairly specific equipment in order to take any kind of pleasure in road tripping – equipment that includes vast quantities of alcohol, combat gear and at least one projectile firing weapon. The shuttle service offers none of those.

My situation was made no less horrible by the fact that the shuttle was completely stuffed. Miraculously, despite the bus having been completely full, I had managed to secure myself a nice and solitary window seat. Somewhat less miraculously, it didn’t take long for some asshole mother with her asshole daughter to jump on the bus at the last second. They looked around worriedly, then looked at their tickets, then around again. I instantly knew what they were doing. I also knew, since all seats but mine were taken, that I was going to be engaged. Shit.

I have never understood why some people so desperately need to find their designated seats. Seriously, who the fuck cares. It doesn’t matter if you find your own spot or occupy a random one, you always have an equal chance of ending up next to some obnoxious dickhead. I would’ve understood her claim if the seat had been in the back of the shuttle, as people in the rear are more likely to survive a potential high-speed crash. But my seat, my precious island of tranquility in this rolling pile of manure, was way up front in what is colloquially known as the “high fatality zone”. Alas, presumably because she hadn’t been slapped around for a while, she stomped her feet insisting my relocation until I was forced to comply.

This time I was lucky though. Every once in a while you see assholes of the highest order who, by pursuing their retarded principles, make everybody in the bus shuffle around until everybody has ended up with their designated seat. Why this is necessary I cannot say, but can you remember the last time you played a shuffle puzzle on the web? Yeah, exactly. Nobody likes those things. Why? Because they’re fucking shit.

Is it a bird? – Yes. In a way.

.